It was one o’clock in the morning. The room was silent, yet my mind suddenly became clamorous without warning. A memory flashed through—the day I had to let Mama go, forever.

Instantly, my chest tightened. The pain from that memory stung with such intensity—crushing my heart far more deeply than any other bitter experience I had ever faced in my life. I broke down in tears that night, all alone, amidst a darkness that suddenly felt unbearably cold.

Drowning in tears, my mind drifted back to the past. For nearly nine years, Mama and I had fought side by side, navigating the complexities of this world. We had stumbled along, weathering the relentless blows of life, until we finally managed to stand tall—exchanging proud smiles, knowing we had made it through.

The last four years were the sweetest. We began to make up for lost time by celebrating life, gathering laughter, and traveling from place to place to explore the world. Yet, amidst all those happy moments, I often overlooked one simple truth: this was also Mama’s first time living. It was her first time learning how to be a mother, while simultaneously navigating her own role as a daughter.

Regret struck me hard. How often had I gone too far, speaking with such harshness whenever my anger boiled over? I should have reined it in; I should have been gentler. The memory of my own insufferable behavior in the past now felt like a blade piercing my conscience. I felt a profound sense of guilt.

That night, amidst sobs that grew ever more intense, I raised my hands and whispered softly to God:

“God, please grant my mother a long life. I am not yet ready to face the true pain of loss. I am terrified of being alone in this world. So, when that day of parting finally arrives, I pray—please send someone who will be ready to hold me close and cradle all of my tears.”

As I wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks, a realization slowly dawned on me. Perhaps, if I want this sincere prayer to be answered, I must begin today to become a better person. I must learn to stop harboring dark thoughts, and to cease letting envy and prejudice take root within my heart.

Because my mother deserves the very best version of me, for whatever time we have left together.